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Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge in The Day Today, Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge in Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life, Everything you need to know about This Time With Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge quotes: The best lines from Steve Coogan’s character ahead of his return to the BBC tonight, {{#singleComment}}{{value}} Comment{{/singleComment}}{{^singleComment}}{{value}} Comments{{/singleComment}}, {{#singleComment}}{{value}} comment{{/singleComment}}{{^singleComment}}{{value}} comments{{/singleComment}}, Alan Partridge sends hilarious email to his new BBC colleagues, We finally have a trailer for This Time With Alan Partridge, Steve Coogan: I’m still Alan Partridge despite success in film dramas, Steve Coogan confirms Alan Partridge is returning to TV very soon, Show{{#moreThan3}} {{value_total}}{{/moreThan3}} comments, You may not agree with our views, or other users’, but please respond to them respectfully, Swearing, personal abuse, racism, sexism, homophobia and other discriminatory or inciteful language is not acceptable, Do not impersonate other users or reveal private information about third parties, We reserve the right to delete inappropriate posts and ban offending users without notification.

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But as I listened through the darkness I realized that something far worse was going on. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. It must not, I repeat not, turn into an all-night rave.”, “Sunday Bloody Sunday.

Usually, I avoid opening boxes I don’t recognise – ever since”, “Meanwhile, for those of you on crowded public transport who chose not to say the words aloud, you’ll feel no different, and that’s your own fault because, as I say, you lack class and are assholes.”, “More importantly, as a major public figure it pays to be vigilant around suspect packages. News, photos, videos and full episode guide, The best Alan Partridge quotes – a celebration of wit and wisdom, Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life, Knowing Me Knowing You - With Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge has written a poem for National Poetry Day and it’s everything you’d expect, Steve Coogan on why Alan Partridge is part of his DNA, Steve Coogan: Alan Partridge is becoming more and more like me, I’m Alan Partridge: meet the men who put words in Steve Coogan’s mouth.

No.

Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. The nerve.”, “The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees.

I was talking to him early and he asked me what kind of phone I had and I said a Motorola Timeport. I respond in kind, dragging my fingernails across my fundament in a frenzied jerking motion. And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said ‘I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.’ Straight away you’ve got them by the jaffas.”, “We managed to rectify it, though, because it now says, by adapting it, “Cook” where it once said “Cock”, and it says “Pass” now where it once said “Piss”, so it’s slightly less rude.”, “In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn’t make Adam and Steve.”, “God is a gas… but not a small gas like Calor Gas”, “I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said “how do I look?” Would you say, bearing in mind he’s depressed and has respiratory problems, would you say “go and take that blusher off you mis-shapened elephant tranny”? Not my words, Carol, those are the words of Top Gear Magazine.”, "Well Sonja, that was classic intercourse. My mother and father were having the row to end all rows.

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Could go your way; could go mine. And if it wasn’t for Alan Partridge pointing out the short-sightedness of Joni Mitchell’s lyrics to Big Yellow Taxi, the people of Norfolk might have been left ignorant about the realities of traffic congestion on the edge of Paradise indefinitely. You can find our Community Guidelines in full If I squeeze it, a jet of molten Bramley apple will squirt out. Well, other than the fat back that’s dogged me since the age of forty, I have a surprisingly toned body. However, you’re unlikely to encounter the name of Norwich’s most famous broadcaster in any chronicle of the world’s greatest minds. Careful not to fall asleep and slip under, there’s some terrible statistics about that.”, “Quick tip for yourself: if you’re ever doing an after-dinner speech, you say “My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I’m late, I just popped to the toilet.

Something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world.

She’s living with a fitness instructor. I am standing by a graveside, the wind whistling through my hair like a wind whistle. Sign in to manage your newsletter preferences. Let’s take a look. Now imagine taking that piece of tofu, and forcing your thumbs into it hard. said Carol's mum, Stella, not bothering to think of a greeting of her own. Be the first to learn about new releases! That child was me.”, “My heart is, in the wise words of Billy Ray Cyrus, achy breaky.”, “Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit.”, “Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to his body and made his peace with God.”, “I, myself, would never shoot big game (and would hesitate to even lay traps for them). Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge in This Time with Alan Partridge, Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge at the Leicester Square premiere of the Alpa Pipa, Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge in Alpha Pipa, Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge at the Leicester Square premiere of the Alpha Pipa, Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge in Alpha Pipa, Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge in I'm Alan Partridge. But whether his expulsion to the fringes of academia was due to his legendary hostility towards the students of Oxbridge university (wherever that is) or that unfortunate incident in which he inadvertently shot a learned man live on national television, none of that matters any longer.

Let’s have a bit of red, let’s have a bit of white.

And my tribute to Her Majesty’s Police. ‘Apropos’…it’s Latin. Are you sure you want to mark this comment as inappropriate? Michael, you’re hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.”, “Bucktoothed simpletons with eyebrows on their cheeks… horses running through council estates… men in platform shoes being arrested for bombings… badly tarmacced drives… in this country.”, “Hello is that Curry’s? I’d like to place an order for two supplementary, auxiliary speakers, to go with my Midi Hi-Fi system, apropos achieving surround sound. Sometimes you just want to say, sod all this wine, just give me a pint of…mineral water.”, “This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33, now this little babe can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Thanks! Will that show up on my bill?”, “Guide dogs for the blind. He nearly soiled himself! A sudden shot of fear ripped through my pre-pubic body.

It would burst wouldn't it? I’m having an attack of the old flakes again.

The new puzzles website is now live - sign up now and enjoy a 7-day free trial! Without Alan Turing’s brilliance, for example, the personal computer might never have come to be. And he said, ‘that’s saaad, you want to upgrade’. "Hello, Alan." The noise fizzled out of my back passage like a child calling for help.

I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career.

here. A-ha! What a great song. Quite detailed. Alan to his listeners: That was The Police with “Do Do Do, Da Da Da”, their gibberish classic. Oh, this smells of, I don’t know, basil.

Ah, it’s a lifesaver, you know. He said, 'You jammy b******' and quick as a flash, I replied, 'Don't be blue, Peter! Either way, one of us is going down!”, “All this wine nonsense! Satisfying? Wine this, wine that. The reappraisal of this modern-day Socrates has begun – and below we present, for your intellectual and spiritual delectation, a selection of this man’s pearls of wisdom, in the hope that his words will be as much use and comfort to you in your daily life as they’ve been in ours. Either way, one of us is going down.”, "'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. In volleyball, if you win a rally, you get one point. He really is. Alan Partridge trending on Twitter: Tweets about “#AlanPartridge from:ComedyQuotesTV” Alan Gordon Partridge is a fictional radio and television presenter portrayed by English comedian Steve Coogan and invented by Coogan, Armando Iannucci, and other show writers for the BBC Radio 4 programme On The Hour.

“Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. "The proof is in the pudding, and the pudding, in this case, is football. It’s nearly seven o’clock, this is Dave Clifton.

The worst thing I'd ever done was kick a pig - School trip to Heston Farm, 1964, I maintain it was self-defence.”, “Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell.”, “Sport, on the other hand, is straightforward. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women.”, “My bottom is itchy so I stop in the middle of the landing and scratch it lightly. Although tricky at first, by the time I checked out I could find the bath's biting point within three minutes. My name’s Dave Clifton, and there goes Alan Partridge – cone, but not forgotten. He was all over the place!”, “It’s 20 February 1995.

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He has no middle fingers on one hand, so he can't swear but is permanently doing the heavy metal sign.”, “I woke with a start.

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